Trust is a vital part of any relationship and can be easily remedied with open communication.
When an ex is lurking in the background, it is a red flag. I know right! If your boyfriend is mature enough to keep his ex as a friend, then it’s fine. If he’s communicating with her in secret, that’s cause for concern over his lack of honesty in his relationship with you. Chances are, if the ex and your partner seperated amicably, they’re still gonna talk. Communicating is fine, but jumping into bed with her is absolutely wrong. If two exes still flirts together after their relationship has ended, it means something is up ! It is really not possible for your partner to be fully committed to you if he still moves about or always seen with his ex in secret places. It’s the plain truth. You are already in grey area if your partner still calls or moves about with his ex every now and then. Again, if he calls or contacts her occasionally, it’s fine.
I still talk to most of the guys I have dated. We are all in other relationships, and even when we weren’t, talking to each other post-relationship didn’t mean jumping back into bed together. The thing about relationships is that you have things in common, shared experiences, and get to know each other very well. After all, the base of the terms girlfriend and boyfriend is “friend”. Just because they don’t have sex anymore doesn’t mean they have to throw away years of friendship. That’s ridiculous.
Truth is that you would still be messed up or probably mad at your boyfriend when you find out he still has some soft spots for his ex or he still sees her, but you should calmly talk it out with him. This is the first and most matured approach to handling the situation. The most important word for a successful relationship is “Trust”. Trust issue is not a good basis to build a healthy relationship. It really depends how and when he talks to his ex. I reckon he gives you enough reason to doubt him. Take approaches with caution or you make mistakes.
Sometimes, men doesn’t completely break up with their exes. It is what I call “seperation hangover”.
Ex means gone.
Ex means past and past must be left behind. Really?
Now girlfriend, I might sound a little off limit but here is the truth. It takes time for one to completely forget his/her ex, especially when they shared a great bond together. It’s completely normal. I would probably do the same if I were to have an ex I shared a lot with. It would be difficult to let go at first, but with time I’d be able to get over him. It’s nature and sometimes we can’t help it.
You two are in a “Relationship” right? You are still dating and studying each other to see if things will who knows, maybe lead to marriage. Chill and trade with caution. People make lots of efforts for getting into relationships, but little efforts afterwards. If you truly love your boyfriend, you should be able to work for it. Keep that in mind, you will have to make some serious efforts to retain your love interest or make him fall in love with you so much that he forgets his ex. How many more breakups will you go through to get the perfect man anyways? There is no perfect man, Life itself is not even. You have to work on him to make him perfect for you. It’s important for you two to get along well physically and emotionally. If that is not happening, make it happen. Your partner chose to be with you, not his ex. Respect your partner’s choice and grab enough self-esteem to realize that maybe you really are worthy of being his partner, and talking to another girl doesn’t mean he is going to drop her panties and hop into her bed.
Relationships and marriages are like jungle and you need to compete to survive. If he’s talking to his ex, that’s because he feels the need. He feels something is missing from his life and you need to fill that void. You need to do fun and newer things in your relationship. Do things in a different perspective so that he starts valuing you more. A man in love will let no serious outside distraction into his life, so invest your time on him and stop trying to control him or who he talks to.
People gonna say you are insecure and they will ask you to trust him and allow him to talk to her ex. Actually, you should not! As far as insecurity is concerned, its an obvious thing that you will feel insecure and it’s his duty not to do anything which can make his partner insecure.
My point is, don’t be too quick to judge him. Getting angry and possessive over him, and trying to prevent him from talking to his friends, is not going to make things change. If anything, it will make the situation worse. If you are aware or suspect any weird connection between your boyfriend and his ex and you are concerned about it, calmly talk things out with him. Have a conversation with him and explain that him seeing his ex girlfriend is making you insecure and you are concerned for your future together. Yes, he should be aware of the way you feel, it’s your right, but don’t get into a fight with him. Ask him the reasons for his actions and if he complains of any fault from your side, promise you are gonna work on yourself and you would be much happy if he does same too. Give him little time to adjust and work on those missing aspects to better yourself. In a relationship, there are two different people, two different ways and two different values, characteristics and thinking. Be strong and trust him after you’ve told him your feelings. Both sides have to trust each other and stand firm upon that mutual trust. A relationship is a team of two, compromising every single day to make it work. And believe me it is a great work.
There are emotions, which should not be played with. If after trying your best and talking out things with him, yet you see no improvement, take a break (not break-up). This will give you the room to realize if the situation can be handled by you or you are done convincing him. This break will make him understand that you are not taking the matter likely and his actions affect you. Let him know that you need some time to analyze the situation and want him to also ponder over the matter.
If after this much efforts he still cheats and sneak around with his ex and your gut feeling tells you he won’t change, it’s probably a red flag too big to ignore. There is a big room for an exit. “It’s a Relationship” not marriage.